You know the saying, "it takes a village to raise a child"? This has rang true so many times lately for me. Oh, I'm not talking about calling on my neighbor to run my daughter to cheer practice so I can take The Boy to the doctor or when I asked the preschool teacher to incorporate why telling a lie is not good in her lesson plan this week.....which I've been known to have done recently. I have great neighbors, the kids have great teachers and we have an amazing family who live very close. They are all part of our family village and we wouldn't be this successful as a family unit without them. We are very very blessed. But they are not the topic of this conversation today.
The simple ride to school brings up several opportunities for me to talk about what is right and what is wrong. The time when The Lady and I were at a restaurant waiting for our table and watching people walk in the front door is another good opportunity to talk about courtesy. So often, the older kids will come home to discuss their day and we have to talk about how to treat people with a caring heart as well as how to be strong enough to stick up for ourselves as well as others. There are so many opportunities out there and the most difficult part about it is how to discuss these things without being judgmental......Here is a short list of a few recent conversation topics:
- Thank you to the parent who dropped off their child at the street entrance to the school instead of driving into the carpool line. This not only helped me explain how to safely walk through moving traffic but also allowed me the opportunity to talk about why the school has set up certain drop off procedures that we need to be mindful of. The rules aren't made to make us mad, they are created to keep all the little kiddos safe. Thank you again!!!
- Thank you to the gentleman who held open the door at the restaurant for about 15 people who never acknowledged your courtesy. My daughter and I watched this actually happen the other day. When we were finally seated at our table, we discussed what "common courtesy" is. It's not just the holding of the door for someone; it's that someone getting off their phone and looking up at the nice man and saying the words "Thank you!" Aren't these words we teach all of our children to say when they are toddlers. Yes. No. Please. Thank you. You're welcome. It also gave me the opportunity to explain to her that we still need to try our best to extend these courtesies, even if we think someone won't say "thank you."
- Thank you to the amazing employee down at the grocery store. The Hubby and The Lady went to the store the other day for a few things. When they returned home, The Lady's devastated expression said it all. She had left her cell phone in the cart before they drove off. When she realized it, her dad promptly turned around and went back to find it but the carts had already been collected. They went inside and told the manager behind the customer service counter. No one had turned it in just yet. She returned home in tears. So this gave us the opportunity to talk about being responsible for expensive toys as well as to not be so attached to material items that can be replaced (eventually). Then the phone call came.....someone had turned it in!!! It turned out to be one of the employees that is always so helpful when we come to shop. Before leaving the house to go scoop it up, The Lady made a quick Valentine's Day card (since it was V'Day) as a way of showing her gratitude. This was completely her idea which made us very proud! Thank you to that employee for giving me the opportunity to discuss with my child the right thing to do in situations like this. You could have had yourself a nice new toy, instead you called us to come get it.
- Thank you to the professional football players for giving me the opportunity to talk to my kids again about how to be a humble winner and a gracious loser. Since all of our kids play some kind of sport, we talk about this all the time. We always want them to be proud of a job well done when they win a game or a match, but to also remember that someone else lost that one and they are probably feeling pretty bad about it. On the flip side, we talk about the fact that we aren't going to win all the time. We talk about how to be a strong competitor and say "good job" or "well played" or "nicely done" and shake hands. Yes we can be disappointed, for sure! But it's how we make someone feel about their performance that counts. So, after the big game the other night, when the QB of the 2nd place team came on the television to discuss the game, looking like he was about to crawl under the table in tears, we were able to continue this discussion.....so, high five Mr. QB!! I thank you personally for being part of our village!
Oh, I will not sit here and tell you that our little family is perfect and that we follow all the rules or that we don't get angry or distracted and lose our courtesies. But we really do always try to do our best, to do the right thing, which is probably why seeing others lose that courtesy or the desire to do the right thing makes us a little irritated. As a parent, all I can wish for is that my kids grow up to be responsible citizens of the world they live in. What that means to me is....they hold the door open for someone behind them....that they acknowledge good deeds....that they show respect and try to understand the rules of the world. I also expect them to stand up for what is right and try to change the things that they think are wrong.
There have been instances in the past where I just didn't think I was treated fairly and I may have or may not have reacted in an appropriate manner. And because of that reaction, I may have lost a friendship or damaged a family relationship a bit. I do reflect on those times and try to incorporate what I could have done better into my discussions with my kiddos. I will always discuss how to apologize and how to make up for any poor behavior, to repair those relationships and to move on. Again, I am not perfect, none of us are. The best thing I can do is to live as an example to my children and to have these "village" conversations with respect for others around us.
